If the number of books and magazines is any indication, our desire for great sex and loving relationships is extremely important to us. As it should be because our relationships are a major part of our lives. Everything that we do is a product of a relationship in some way. While not every relationship we have in our life revolves around intimacy and sex, for that special one we do have, we want to make sure it’s the best it can be.
One topic discussed at great length is sexual compatibility. Does it exist and what if you and your partner aren’t compatible with each other, especially in the bedroom, what does this mean? Is your relationship doomed?
Thankfully in any long term monogamous relationship, your sexual compatibility to a certain degree is essential but can be developed over time. Just as your relationship will mature and grow, so too can your compatibility in bed. Here are 5 great tips for developing and improving your sexual compatibility.
This Will Take Some Work
As the saying goes, Rome wasn’t built in a day. This can definitely be applied to your sexual compatibility with your partner, there will be work involved. Do not get discouraged with this but the fact is, both of you are unique individuals with different sexual desires and expectations. These are both very personal and even though you may have much in common outside the bedroom until you know your partner’s like and vice versa, your compatibility may be off slightly.
In addition, your levels of desire will change with time. The changes in your bodies both physically and emotionally affect our turn-ons and turn-offs. Ongoing communication is indispensable to sexual compatibility. This is the willingness of you and your partner to continually work on your relationship both in and out of the bedroom.
Accepting Only Perfection is not an Option
Movies and romance novels would make us like to think our dream lover is out there and everything he/she does is absolutely perfect. They know exactly what we want and sex is bliss. We are sorry to say this is fiction and does not exist in the real world. You will have times you disagree with your lover, maybe even fight, but that is normal in any relationship. It reinforces the importance of communication and further highlights your likes and desires, it doesn’t mean you are incompatible.
Every couple will have some form of incompatibility regarding sex. There is no such thing as a perfect fit and you will need to as a couple share your sexual desires. This is normal and should not be something that discourages you, it should actually motivate you to expand and grow your relationship.
Quality not Quantity
Even though you may hear this all time, if you are the individual who desires sex more than you partner, your thoughts may start leading you astray. Differences in desire levels is very common and not an indication of incompatibility. To alleviate this you need to focus on the quality of sexual and intimate interactions with one another.
Take the focus off of the frequency and stop counting the number of times you’ve had sex this week (or this month) and focus instead on what you are doing with your partner to maintain a sexual connection. Flirting, sexting, teasing each other will allow both of you to figure out what gets your partner all riled up. The frequency component will fall into place more naturally as you take the pressure off yourself.
Opposites Do Attract
While having things in common may increase the likelihood of relationship success, sharing the same sexual interests doesn’t necessarily heighten sexual satisfaction. Opposites can increase attraction in the bedroom because you each play a different, but complementary role. For instance, if you’re naturally dominant, having a partner who prefers to follow your lead or play a more submissive role may ease compatibility in this respect. And though you will inevitably switch roles, evolve and experiment, this is one example of how sexual opposites attract.
Research suggests that simply perceiving yourselves as sexually compatible leads to greater sexual satisfaction than sharing the same sexual preferences. So don’t fret if you don’t share your partner’s love of hair-pulling and they just don’t seem to understand your foot fetish. You can make it work despite your differences.
Develop the Compatibility You Desire
As we stated earlier, Rome wasn’t built in a day and you and you will have to work on your sexual compatibility. As your relationship grows so too can your sexual compatibility with these two tips.
1. Do it yourself
If you’re dealing with differences in desire (and who isn’t?), the person who wants sex more often should consider taking things into their own hands. Literally. Just like you can’t eat every meal together (and sometimes dine alone), you can’t share every sexual experience as a couple. Learn to love yourself first
2. Take turns initiating
If you’re used to being the object of your partner’s desire, it’s time to step up to the plate and express your own lust. Coming onto your partner and sharing this fun responsibility helps to maintain balance in your relationship and cultivate intimacy!
Use this knowledge to increase your sexual compatibility with your partner starting today. As always we appreciate all your comments and emails and don’t forget to share this information with your friends.