With all the existing stereotypes and perceived pressures as to what makes a good lover and what we are expected to do in the bedroom, is it any wonder more women are having trouble with sex? It’s not that we don’t know what we need to do, or more importantly, what we want to do, it’s just the thoughts running through our minds and the feelings in our hearts that are blocking us from truly enjoying being intimate with our partners.
Starting with the stereotypes that we are subjected to from a young age, they wreak havoc on us. The number one barrier to satisfying sex for women is their image of themselves. How we feel about our bodies, basically how comfortable we are in our own skin. If we have are not happy with the way we look naked, or feel that we aren’t sexy, how can we ever expect to be confident and free with a partner? Those thoughts and feelings permeate through all that we do in the bedroom and will ultimately affect our overall satisfaction.
Close on the heels of our body images is finding the words to talk about sex. So much emphasis is put on the physical activity plus the emotional connection, but there is a basic communication that is essential. Talking with your partner about your sexuality and what you expect should not only be required in any relationship, but can also be therapeutic. The connection is formed not only between you and your partner but between you and yourself. It may sound strange but it helps you to feel more comfortable talking about sex and your expectations and can even help with the first barrier too.
To highlight how women can overcome these two major barriers, Dr. Shannon Chavez, psychologist and sex therapist in Beverly Hills, CA, shares a workshop she attended that had a profound impact on her dealing with just these two barriers themselves. While the workshop may seem unorthodox for some, it’s interesting to learn about Dr. Chavez’s experience and for someone who deals with sex all every day in her practice, how she was able to uncover some personal barriers that were holding her back.
Having satisfying sex is not elusive, or mystical or something that only appears in movies. First learn how to be comfortable with who we are, how we feel and what we expect properly, prepares us for satisfaction. All great relationships with others have to first start with a great relationship with ourselves.
As always we appreciate all your comments and emails and don’t forget to share these two biggest barriers with your friends.