It’s ok if you didn’t rate your bedroom play overly high and agreed it could use a change. In a recent study by International Communications Research, a whopping 59% of men and women reported they want to make their sex lives more playful and fun.
The question then becomes if most people are craving more fun and excitement in bed, why are they still having boring, run-of-the-mill sex? Many couples are afraid to switch up a sexual script that’s working—meaning, both partners are already getting off—says relationship expert Wendy Walsh, Ph.D., author of The 30-Day Love Detox. “People learn to play each other’s instruments, and then they go to the same two spots,” she says. “But you become accustomed to that and you can become numb emotionally and physically. Then things just don’t work as well as they did before.”
Knowing that you are not alone, it’s time to increase the fun in your bedroom and take boring intimacy to out-of-this-world. For this, we will turn to the experts and 8 ways to make sex more fun.
How to Make Sex More Fun
Stop Faking it
When you shop with your girlfriends and ask for their opinion on clothes, you expect a truthful answer. The same should hold true in the bedroom. If sex isn’t exciting don’t lie about it. Pretending you like something when in reality you don’t, is only hurting both of you.
“You should never fake an orgasm,” says Walsh. “That thing he was doing wrong—he’s now going to keep doing it.” Instead, let him know when something feels amazing, either by speaking up or engaging in some pretty obvious body language. That way there’s no confusion about what you like in bed.
Ignore Your Instincts
That stereotype that men are the only ones who crave something new in bed is so false. Research shows women are even more likely to want sexual novelty, says Walsh. Satisfy the urge by doing something totally outside your sexual script, like making a sex bucket list, getting busy in every room but your bedroom, having sex before work in the morning, or even heading to a hotel for a distraction-free hookup.
Living in a Fantasy
Is there something you want to try but are afraid your partner will be offended or put-off by it? “Put the thing you’d like to do into the context of a sexy fantasy or dream that involves your partner,” says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. Putting your fantasy into a recap of a dream takes the focus off the two of you, but drops major hints as to what you like.
Let Your Mood Dictate Position
While we have our routines, we must also pay attention to our moods. Following a set script of motions will feel different based on the mood you are in. There will be times you are feeling more romantic than others and times when you are feeling very passionate.
Depending on the mood you’re in, get creative with your sex style, says Kerner. Craving emotional intimacy and eye contact? Go with Missionary. Feel like ripping each other’s clothes off the second you get home? Opt for Upstanding Citizen against a wall. Ready to take control? Hop on top for Reverse Cowgirl. You get the idea.
We know that scheduling time for sex seems anything but fun or sexy. However, everyone’s lives seemingly are getting busier and busier, and if you don’t schedule time you may never have sex. When you schedule the time, have fun with it as it can be a form of foreplay.
Knowing what is coming up, you can play with it all day. Whether it’s wearing some new sexy lingerie all day or sexting with your partner throughout the day telling them what you are dying to do them later. This all builds anticipation and emotion for you and your partner.
Dress the Part
Use pop-up Halloween stores to your advantage, and pick up a few sultry accessories or even a full outfit, says Kerner. Putting on a different persona (whether it’s with a blonde wig and thigh highs or a sexy nurse’s outfit) will give you both a chance to play out a fantasy with lowered inhibitions.
Make foreplay more fun by turning it into a giver-and-receiver game, says Kerner. Decide how much time to spend on each person, and take turns doing whatever you or your partner wants. Then switch. Bonus: Pleasing your partner can turn you on even more.
Just Go For It
If there comes a time when you are not feeling it, and you want more, take the reins and take control. “If you’re a woman wanting more novelty, it’s great to be a little bold and assertive,” says Kerner. There are many ways to accomplish this without offending your partner. For instance, you can slow down and kiss your partner before changing into a different position. This will then get you into the position of your choice without broadcasting what you were doing wasn’t working.
Using these 8 tips will allow you and your partner to break out of the boring mold and into something more dynamic, passionate and fun. Enjoy these tips and remember, it does not have to be a chore to make sex more fun.
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