As we mature most of us will focus on the finer things in life most especially how they make us feel. We understand our likes and dislikes and we take action to get them. This mindset for most also carries into the bedroom and into our intimate lives.

Our sex life can at times be challenging if we are not getting the things we like and we are left less than satisfied. For many women this happens as our partners do not understand, do not care or are not capable of giving us what we want. Hopefully for your relationship it is not the latter of those three and we can help.

The biggest misconception that men have about sex is, like them, we have to have an orgasm every time we have sex to be satisfied. While we are not disputing the fact having one or more orgasms is great, it’s not the determining factor for what great sex is. For us to experience an orgasm it’s a culmination of events not simply a set of steps we follow.

First and foremost men must realize for us to have an orgasm it’s a process and is not mechanical like theirs. Men will ejaculate when their penises are rubbed. This even applies if the circumstances are not romantic and even if they don’t particularly like the person who is doing the rubbing. It’s a reaction to a continued action. We ladies are not as simple as this, and while we all vary to some degree there must be certain criteria met in order for us to climax. Here are the top things most women will need

  • a romantic atmosphere.
  • a pleasant, comfortable surroundings.
  • a partner who they really like.
  • a feeling of being wanted and appreciated
  • a good flow of natural lubrication – so that the delicate parts don’t get sore.
  • a skilled partner who knows how to stimulate the clitoris.

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In addition to this, men must understand simply intercourse alone most likely will not push us over the edge to an orgasm. We say most likely as there are positions which will increase the likelihood of our G-spot being stimulated through sex, but we will leave that for another discussion.

Assuming that we have the first four items on our list checked off, we need to get down, or should we say go down on what will help us climax. Recent research shows most of us ladies need additional stimulation of our clitoris by fingers or mouth. What works best for us and what our partner will need to do is based on us. Do not be afraid to let your partner know.

The act of stimulating the clitoris can be part of both foreplay as well as during sex. Again this will depend on what you like best. A recent 2014 study also shows many of us have tried and enjoy using vibrators during sex. The old stigma of introducing an “aid” meant your lover was inadequate and needed help. However the use of toys changes up routines and keeps sex interesting.

Understanding what it takes for us to reach and enjoy an orgasm eliminates the myths about female orgasms and removes the pressure. This in turn creates an environment that is conducive to being intimate with each other, understanding each other’s needs and wants, and ultimately having better sex.

To have orgasms on regular basis there are certain items that have to be covered. Here is a simple summary for guys to help them help their ladies reach the Big O on a regular basis:

  1. Unless having a quickie is what we intended, don’t be in a rush.
  2. Romance is always a plus and having a romantic atmosphere by setting the mood is a great start.
  3. Most men do not care when and where they have sex. While the same can be said for some women, most us like to be comfortable and in a setting we feel comfortable in (we are not discounting the fact sometimes having sex in an uncomfortable setting is part of the turn-on, but that’s another topic).
  4. We need to warmed-up and this starts with foreplay; everything from kissing to caressing before any sexual parts of our bodies are touched.
  5. Knowing likes and dislikes is always an advantage, so talk to each other helps. This can be at a time we aren’t having sex or even during the act. Guys don’t be afraid to ask your ladies what they like.
  6. Live in the moment and feed off each other. Be tuned into your partner’s likes and their actions (moans, gestures, comments). Paying attention to this will guide you in what to do.
  7. Don’t make a mad dash to our clitoris. First and foremost there has to be natural lubrication to moisten the clitoris. Use of Alura Lux is a great way to increase lubrication and sensitivity.
  8. Whether orally or through the use of fingers, all areas of our genitals feed into arousal and should also be stimulated. Spread the love to all areas.
  9. Intercourse alone is usually not enough for us to reach an orgasm. Stimulating the clitoris before, during and after, may be required.
  10. Don’t get discouraged if we do not reach an orgasm every time. Studies have shown many women reported the same level of satisfaction after having sex in which they didn’t have an orgasm as when they did.

Tell us what you think. As always we appreciate all your comments and emails and don’t forget to share this information with your partner and your friends.