Of all our body parts, this one body part is surrounded by more mystery and praise than any other. This part of our body has one purpose and one purpose only; sexual satisfaction. The body part? The clitoris.
For most women, the path to an orgasm goes through their clitoris and for this reason clitoral stimulation is important. The problem becomes what is the best way to stimulate the clitoris? It is in this answer where the mystery begins as no two women are the same. Some say it is part art and part science.
Based on this we will look at how to best stimulate the clitoris, remembering that every sexual interaction is just that, an interaction, an exchange of touch and intent. From this, we will give you a guide to help you understand how to find what works best for you (if you are stimulating your own) or your partner’s clitoris.
Getting to Know the Clitoris
It is difficult to properly stimulate the clitoris when you know little about it. Don’t feel bad if your knowledge of the clitoris is limited. Even today, medical students still get inconsistent information about the anatomy and physiology of the clitoris.
We have put together 7 Interesting Facts about Your Clitoris to remove some of the mystery of the clitoris and help you and your partner understand it’s purpose. Again this is the starting point of proper stimulation.
The Clitoris is not the Starting Point
While there are no hard rules as to what order one must follow during sex, for most women, starting with the clitoris is not tops on the list. Any form of clitoral stimulation will feel better once we are aroused. The clitoris is extremely sensitive and being aroused first, whether that is mentally or physically, allows for natural lubrication.
There are some women who do like to start directly with clitoral stimulation, but again this is what you will find out from your partner through discussion and experimentation.
Work from the Outside In
Continuing this theme of working up, also think about working in. Start stimulation not by zeroing in on the clitoral tip, but by stimulating the internal parts of the clitoris that are farthest away from the tip. Massage the vulva, the area above the pubic bone and the pubic mound. Start with light touch, but you can also explore more kneading/massage like movements. You can gently massage the perineum and even the bum. Remember everything is pretty tightly packed in there, and starting from the outside can create a very pleasurable sense of anticipation of touch to come.
Anticipation and Build Up
It’s almost always best to start slow then ramp up the speed and pressure of clitoral stimulation, from slow to fast and soft to firm. This is the case for two reasons. First, as we shared earlier you want to be sure there is adequate lubrication for stimulation, and secondly, you do not want to desensitize the clitoris. If you rub the clitoris too fast or too hard it will become numb (as with any body part) and than any further stimulation techniques will have little effect on arousal.
Start stimulation with a body part you have the most control over (for instance fingertips, tongue, etc.) which will allow you to start slow and steady. Then as you progress and arousal increases, you can increase speed and/or pressure based on desire.
Change in Direction
Once you’ve built up some tension, anticipation and arousal, you may want to start with a simple circular motion around the clitoris. With the 8000 nerve endings in the clitoris, it is capable of incredibly fine sensation. The feeling of a fingertip running in circles around the tip of the clitoris will feel very different than putting a finger on either side of the clitoris and moving your fingers back and forth in a kind of shuffling movement. Which will feel different than gentle tapping, or licking.
Enjoy finding what works best for you or your partner by trying many different movements. We suggest to stay with each movement for a minute or two to feel the difference in stimulation so you can see how much you like it, or if you are stimulating your partner, you can see how they respond. Once you’ve found something you (or they, or both of you) like, then you may want to stick with it and simply build up the intensity.
Explore the Subtleties
The clitoris is one of the most densely innervated parts of the body, and for many, it’s capable of noticing fine differences in touch and also location. There are some sex manuals that actually break down clitoral stimulation into “quadrants” suggesting that stimulation of the top right corner of the clitoral tips is the absolute best, or that some people melt when you stimulate the bottom left. Don’t worry so much about finding a magic spot, but don’t be afraid of exploring every millimetre of the clitoris you can touch. For some people, these differences won’t be as noticeable, but for others, it can be the difference between fun and orgasmic.
Soft and Hard
The clitoris is very sensitive, but that isn’t the same thing as being delicate. For some people, particularly once they are fully aroused, firm, intense, or even “rough” stimulation may be exactly what they want. You need to approach this with some caution, and only build up in intensity when you have enthusiastic permission to do so (too much too soon can not only be a mood killer, it can be unwelcome, and hurt). But if you’re at a point where you are talking about what kinds of touch you like, asking about how intense or how firm, may open new possibilities for both giving and receiving pleasure through clitoral stimulation.
Dry Versus Wet Stimulation
Personal preference will determine the type of clitoral stimulation they most desire. For people who like rougher stimulation, dry rubbing may be preferred as there will be more friction and surface heat. Others prefer the feeling of slippery and wet stimulation, and some people find that using personal lubricant increases their sensitivity. A product such as Alura Lux is much more than a lubricant as it increases both clitoral sensitivity and natural lubrication. The result is orgasmic as everything which has been shared becomes intensified. Get more information on Alura Lux here. Experimentation will determine what works and feels best for you or your partner.
Follow the Clitoris Inside
This isn’t meant literally, but you can include internal vaginal or anal stimulation as part of clitoral stimulation. Whether that’s using a hand or toy or penis, providing simultaneous external and internal clitoral stimulation is a preference of many people. One combination that gets mentioned frequently is providing external clitoral stimulation with mouth or tongue, and internal stimulation with fingers or a sex toy. As with everything, this is an individual preference, but some preferences seem more popular than others.
Using this information have fun with yourself or your partner to find what clitoral stimulation feels best, is enjoyed most and results in the most orgasms.
As always we appreciate all your comments and emails and don’t forget to share this information with your friends.